Bittersweet

Have you ever took a moment to see what yourself in the internet? In other words, googled your own name to see what you've actually done. Malisa Amalia Search I could find my social medias, from Facebook, Instagram, even LinkedIn. When I look into social media, example: Instagram, feel like I met such a cheerful, beautiful, talented young lady. Girl in the pictures looks perfectly fine, in her cute outfit and poses. Her writings can be positive, sometimes melancholic. I clearly understand about internet persona, 'someone'--maybe it just us, or the other 'person' that we created in internet. We tend to be the best version of ourselves, and portrayed our life as perfect as possible. In other words, we can be anyone and anything in the internet. I met someone from the internet, he said once, "You don't took like the one that I saw on Instagram" these words honestly slapped me really hard. And I asked myself, is sh...

People can be lost sometimes. Either after facing some troubles or getting through hard situations. At this moment, we must stop for awhile and looking back at everything we've done before. Trying to picture every-single-thing in a bigger view and spotted the missing pieces of puzzle to get things back in shape and see the problems with another perspectives. It might be hard and confusing, sometimes feel like everything so vague. It probably takes months or years, for finding yourself and where you belong. No need to compare yourself to others. This is YOUR crucial time, for focusing on yourself. It's time for making dialogue with yourself about what you've done, what you gonna do later. During this time, you might be crying silently every night but then conceal your sadness in the next morning with bright smile. Or maybe you just fade away from your social life, and want to keep everything for yourself. It's okay, for choosing yourself over anyone else. At ...

To be honest, tank top wasn't my thing. I have a pair of big arms and I was so afraid how if people mocked me, because I'm in their standards.  I wore tank top as I wore at this post , I have to say that I wasn't really comfortable that moment, not only because of people glares, but because of my own perception about 'perfect girl'. I always thought that I don't deserve to wear tank top and feel beautiful about this body. When I took pictures for this post, I constantly hate them, and asked my friend to take another pictures, again and again.  But I asked myself, Aren't you tired for pleasing society with their 'beauty standards'?  So now, I decided to walk away--step by step--from my insecurities, about body image that I always thought 'beautiful' that beautiful girl should be has flawless skin, straight hair, slim and tall body but still has 'a shape' (I mean, aren't most of us constructed like that...

((first thing first, please click this --well I highly recommend you to turn on Banda Neira-Beranda )) I secretly hoped to leave home really soon, when I was young, five years ago--I guess. I was really hoping to be a decision maker of every choices I had. Living alone in the city where far away from your hometown give you another melancholic vibe and make you realize how important home is. Frankly, this is not that scary as I thought before, I mean I already lived alone since (almost) four years ago so I thought moved to somewhere further wouldn't be any big problem, especially I'm not a kind of people who easily to miss something/someone. But,  I often feel empty and lonely, especially in the night after office-hours. I mean, after lot of laughs and then everything just silent and I'm alone again. Then suddenly, I miss everything about home. I miss the smell of my room at Surabaya (even if its not my hometown), lavender plus burn stuff (because of my aromatherapy candle...

Dear first, I've to admit that you were totally beautiful as a marvelous twilight in my perfect day, a sugar to my cup of americano, cherry on the top of my cake, whipped cream on the top of my rainbow frape, let's say you were really something for me. Yeah, I loved you first so I didn't mind if I made a move first.  You were my muse. I could draw and write many things about you, about us.  When you finally gave me a bar of chocolate, nothing special just a Silverqueen that everyone could buy everywhere. But because it was you, it became special. We decided to make new stories, together. You and me.  We accidentally met your friend, and you nervously told him that I was your girlfriend just like you were not proud of me,  not even close. And I'm started to ask to myself "am I a disappointment for you?", "maybe I'm not that pretty so you didn't proud of me.", "do you really like me?" before I asked those, we had to lo...

She's Clarestatok Quite difficult to finally I found my personal style. I used to like super girly style with lots of flower and colours, then quite boyish, and I've tried monochrome minimalist style but non of them I really into and comfortable with those kind of styles.  After long time adventures plus trial and error, finally I found my personal style that I really comfortable and into, vintage-inspired style. Its not a kind pure vintage with all vintage clothes but I'd like to mix and match vintage items plus modern items with a glimpse of my own preferences.  I took these two pictures of my friends  Yesterday I attended Fairfield Marriott's event about personal style. Fairfield Marriott itself want to facilitate many direct messages about people want to take pictures in that hotel, so they invited an influencer from Surabaya (you can check her instagram @clarestatok...

Hi! So, I officially on my legal age! I'm blessed because I still live here with tons of sparkle and happiness. So, I'll write a letter to younger me and girls out there. Dear young girl, in front of a mirror, you don't need to please every-single-one, because you can't never pleased the whole world. Fight for someone who really deserves your sweat and tears, don't cry over someone who doesn't deserve you.  Choose your priorities carefully, and make them happy. Surround yourself with positive people, who will tell you the truth plus criticize you whenever you need those slap-words and the ones that validate your feelings. The ones who tell you how precious you are and its okay to be different, its okay to be sad, its okay to be sarcastic and grumpy and cranky, its okay to be you and embrace it! You know, it's okay not to be happy every time, you can't always control your feelings. You don...