3.09.2017

#ILOVEME

It was very difficult for me to embrace myself. I don't remember exactly when it was started. Umm, when I was on elementary school, I guess? Evey single member on my big family told me that I'm such a fat pig, and they started compare me with ms sister and my brother which was so much thinner than me. I know I know, it was a joke but, boom!! Voila! The main effect of those joke I never accepted myself. I mean, I often mocked myself in front of the mirror and told to myself how fat I am. I felt insecure of myself, everyone looks so pretty and thin, and look at me such a big-foot-girl. And yeah, I hate several part of my body (include my foot).

I felt more insecure when my family member started to criticized my appearance, not just about my fat body. They started to criticized my hair, my face, even my pimples. I did hate my hair, I remember when my brother yelled and point at me "Medusa" or "Bird's nest" he was too much about my curly hair. I think it was the reason why I straightened my hair. The fact, I often compared myself to the other when I crushed on somebody and ended with feeling inferior (maybe that's why difficult for me to get in relationship). And sadly, even if many of my friends told that I'm not fat just ideal weight (it was 48kg/160cm) but I still can't believe it.

(When I was freshman year college, I felt kind of freedom where I can whatever I want and no need to care about other thing because my family away. But the only way for healing myself was drawing, drawing about myself. That was the reason why I always keep myself as a muse of almost all pictures I made, I want to love myself. And from drawing, I can learn to love myself. No, I'm not self centered. This is just a kind of medicine for myself to accept me.

My friend just asked me to join her campaign about self-love and confidence embrace our body. I do really want to love myself and educate women about love their body because we deserve more love to ourselves. #loveyourself!!