9.24.2017

To Boys I've Ever Loved


Dear first, I've to admit that you were totally beautiful as a marvelous twilight in my perfect day, a sugar to my cup of americano, cherry on the top of my cake, whipped cream on the top of my rainbow frape, let's say you were really something for me. Yeah, I loved you first so I didn't mind if I made a move first.  You were my muse. I could draw and write many things about you, about us. 

When you finally gave me a bar of chocolate, nothing special just a Silverqueen that everyone could buy everywhere. But because it was you, it became special. We decided to make new stories, together. You and me. 
We accidentally met your friend, and you nervously told him that I was your girlfriend just like you were not proud of me,  not even close. And I'm started to ask to myself "am I a disappointment for you?", "maybe I'm not that pretty so you didn't proud of me.", "do you really like me?" before I asked those, we had to long distance relationship. I moved to other city for academic reason. Everything seemed fine, till you weren't replying my text constantly and when I went back, you didn't want to meet me, "I'm sorry, I already have promises with my friends"
You accepted everything, my lunch box that I made for the first time in my whole life, my smile, my uncontrollably beat throb, except my feelings. when you said, I'm sorry I used to like you, once.
that time, I was crying on the phone. I said, "fine. let's break up." you answered, "OK."
Thank you for every great time, every physic and mathematic stuff we learned together, every sweat we shared of our morning routines ran around biggest field in the town, every laugh we shared were fun.
You weren't ready for long distance relationship, and I was demanding you to ready. and I learned that I shouldn't have any long distance relationship anymore. Ever. 


Dear second, you were special. you were my best friends, my partner in crime, my fashion consultant, my brother and my lover.

"just go out. I'm in front of your gate." then I found you bring McDonald's for me, just because I texted you I wanted to eat french fries plus ice cream minutes ago. 
I told you everything about how I felt, about girls who hated me, about my bad report, about what I ate last night, about my workout playlist, about my pet, about my family. when I said, "I'm afraid" and you came to me as soon as you could. You answered every anxious-silly questions I asked to you about my insecurities, to convinced me how much you loved me and how much I'm worth it. And when asked you, "how if..." you answered, "ssshhh, that's fine. you're doing good." And stroked my hair, calmly. 
I was your muse. You made several songs about me, about us. I was flattered, I was in tears first time I listened your song. You rarely said clearly how much you loved me, but I know I meant something for you. 
Thanks for giving me all you had. literally everything. You gave your time and your heart. But I'm so sorry all I gave to you was good bye And I burned the bridge. Such a catastrophe for losing you. The worst part of breaking up with you was losing you as my best friends. 
You said once, "maybe I'll go crazy if we're breaking up. I'm pretty sure take very long time to recover everything." but then, I found you already have a new girl. that's fine, you deserve to be happy. I'm glad you're happy. 
I'm sorry for everything, for my stubbornness, my mid-night called of insecurities, my every-bad-things. I'm sorry, I liked you but you weren't my muse. 


Dear third, you're a kind of my 'love-hate' book. I like to read like a fantasy novel, which I usually read but I know there must be monster who destroyed everything, a fire, and thousands tears. the more I read, I realized that book will never be real. Just like our relationship, full of fantasy, fire, but never be real. 
I swallowed my words about long distance relationship. Distance was between us. 
I like our moments, I like for the first time in forever I rode a Vespa--that baby blue one, we were riding around the city and shared lots of laugh. you asked, "have you tried these?" and when I answered "nope" you grabbed my hand, "let's try them. together." And you showed me many beautiful things. 
"yeah, she's my girlfriend!" you said to your friends, loudly. I was happy, at least I know you were proud of having me. We used to be happy for having each other. 

But then, here it comes--the monsters of our story. My insecurities, our stubbornness, and your selfishness. You hit me exactly in my insecurities. You started talked about your favorite ex-girlfriend, and I started hate myself why I can't be like her. 

You said, "I can't read you." no, you can read me but you won't. You only loved my flowers without loved my roots, and when fall is coming you didn't know what to do. You said, I need to understand you more. I tried, very hard. I was trying to understand everything I haven't experienced before. You said, again, that I didn't even try to understand. But, just because we had different way to learn and understand things, it doesn't mean I didn't try it.
I decided to go to the city, for meeting you. but you were really busy and didn't want to meet me, even for couple hours. I smelled something fishy. 
you hit me very hard when finally you said, "let's break up. it's useless. you're not worth it."
the end.
thank you so much for being my muse, the main character of my stories. from this relationship, I learned lots. I need to love myself first, I need to put myself on the first row, and you can't love only several parts of me--take it all or leave it and nothing in between

9.10.2017

I Heart You, J!

My confusion about the place I wanted to go, at this post was answered. My friends and I decided to go to Jogja 3 days 2 nights last month. 

I went to Jogja at 08.10 am from Surabaya by train and it took around seven hours. it was tiring, because we only sat down and did nothing (except eating and talking) I mean, I started had a backache at first three hours. I made lots of unfunny jokes, and a guy in front of me secretly laughed cause of my jokes. We arrived at Lempuyangan Railway Station at 14.00 (if I'm not mistaken), and we went to our hotel with Grab (Tips for you guys if you order online transportation: go walk near a flyover quickly and grab your phone tightly--because my friend saw a man wrestled a girl who's-ordered-online-transportations phone).

It took only fifteen minutes to reach our hotel. our hotel was at Prawirotaman, Adhistana Hotel. The first impression about Adhistana Hotel was pretty good, unique, and many spots for taking pictures (hehehe). I like their lobby interior, was cozy and warm but still unique and quite ethnic. no lift there, so it quite difficult for the one who brought suitcase like me (and yeah, I asked hotel's administrator room at the higher floor). this hotel only available in three floors, so you won't see too many people here and surely good for you who want a quiet place for taking rest.









White shirt: vintage
Denim skirt: Surfer Girl
Socks: New Look
Sunglasses: Cotton On
Scarf: unbranded
Clutch: Mango
Shoes: Converse

I took this picture





Day one. 
after a long time on the train, I need to move my body so I just washed my face then started to make up and voila I was ready to go! We left the hotel at 16.15 (if I'm not mistaken). First stop was Yammie Pathuk, the one of legendary place to eat. I like it, the noodle was good and the 'pangsit goreng' was really great. You guys need to try them if you visit Jogja. After it, we went to @dailynoon.store offline store to buy several things for my pal's gift and after that, we just eat (again) at KR Angkringan near Malioboro. We were really full and tired, so time to go back to the hotel. we thought we would sleep afterward, but we haven't sleepy yet so we decided to chit-chat near the pool and enjoyed the night breeze plus perfect full-moon. 

Here my no makeup face


Top: (X)S.M.L
Skirt: H&M
Bag: Cocolyn, Zalora
Pom-pom: @dailynoon.store
Watch: Hush Puppies
Colourful bracelet: Accessorize
Gold bracelet: Redeye
Earing: Accessorize
Socks: New Look
Shoes: Converse

Here the details




Day two.
I woke up really morning with a stomachache, cause of too much eating and when I wanted to sleep again but I can't. So I just enjoyed the morning at Jogja with sleepy eyes and no makeup face but surely I didn't forget to brush my teeth so my friends wouldn't feel annoyed when talking with me.

We didn't get breakfast at this hotel (we chose without breakfast package because we wanted to breakfast in another place), so we decided to breakfast at Sade. The place was really great with many plants, so it made this place not that hot even in outdoor and no air conditioner here, plus there was a tropical wall-decoration, the foods were really delicious with fresh ingredients and good back sound music. here what we ate. We decided to choose the different menus so we could try one and another dish, and we really like them! I ordered infused water (because personally, I don't really like the too-tasty drink) but, all of my friends decided to order the same drink. With the reasonable price you can enjoy these foods, you guys have to eat at this place (don't expect to eat till full stomach here, because they served in breakfast portion), but my stomach already felt so full.



I ordered this delicious dish

















We went to Taman Sari afterward, and decided to be guided by a tour guide so we could explore all places there, and yeah we explored many beautiful spots and we have full-team pictures! It took around two hours after turned around all Taman Sari's spot, pretty hot outside but the sceneries were really pretty and worth.

Tired and hungry, two words after we walked around two hours for turning around Taman Sari, so we chose to eat meatballs because we were really hungry after cardio right? Honestly, we wanted to go to other place but we were too tired so we went back to the hotel to took some rest.
What's the problem after sleeping? Getting hungry. And yeah, we were really hungry and thank God, my friend's sister sent us a super great Mie Aceh, canai, and martabak (I didn't take pictures because we were too hungry), the portion each served was so big we ate a portion of spicy Mie Aceh by three people. 

Back to our plans before we slept, we wanted to go to Tempo Gelato and Aglio (a place that served many kinds of pasta) so we took bath and get ready for next plans. We walked to Tempo, it only took around ten minutes. as usual, Tempo was very crowded with domestic or non-domestic people. I ordered coconut and mango flavors, and they were pretty delicious! I got a stomachache after finished my gelato (maybe because of I ate too much), so I need to go back to our hotel as soon as possible, so my friends decided to take away pizza at Aglio. the taste of the pizza was pretty great! I love the pepperoni, the melted mozzarella plus black olive fruit. Rather than eating pizza at our room, we prefer chit-chat near the pool plus swimming. so yeah, we spent our last night together with pizza and swimming plus little talk near the pool. I love everything here. 



Day three.
Two of my friends already checked out when I was waking up. this is my last day at Jogja, I just packed my stuff, looked for breakfast and l went to the vintage store which was really amazing and I love everything there! but sadly, I can't explore that store too long because my flight was at 15.15 to Jakarta and Jogja in the weekend was very crowded and usually got traffic jam so I need to go the airport early.











Good bye. I heart you, Jogja!